Chapters 9 & 10

Hey, ladies! Last night's book club discussion was awesome! I'm thankful for all of you who have committed to reading and studying what God's Word says about training our children in righteousness. I'm grateful for God's Word that always instructs us as moms! Alicia reminded us that the BIBLE is our Bible, not our book, Don't Make Me Count to Three. Good point!

The last 2 weeks we have spent on learning and refining our strategies for giving a Biblical reproof--the VERBAL part of what we do. We obviously do this all day, everyday--for all kinds of situations. We spent a lot of time talking about reproving our children for disobedience, but let's not forget the JOY of instructing them when they're NOT disobeying. . just as we go about our day. It's so sweet and powerful at the same time to be able to say "Thank you, God, for the ______ (sun, wind, rain, friends, keeping us safe in the car, providing all these groceries, providing new shoes for you, giving you courage on the playground, giving you endurance to complete your homework). I've always loved the "catch your kids being good" game--letting them know in a specific way that I see and appreciate them for ______________(being patient, kind, generous, helpful, etc).

Last night (and next week) we're talking about the other major piece of training our children--the rod. We know God's Word says to use the reproof and the rod--and that we are showing faithfulness to God and to our children when we take up the rod. Somehow it's so sensitive, though! We want to "do it right"! We all have different life experiences that play into our view of spanking, and we need to sort through them in the light of God's Word! Ladies, remember to bring ALL your cares to the Lord! If you feel unsettled about the spanking issue--bring it to Him! He cares for you! He loves your children! Pour out your heart to him--what your fears and concerns are, your desire to be obedient to his Word, your desire to trust His plan, whatever it is! He will be faithful to hear your cry!

Here are a couple of questions from last night that we discussed. Tell us what you think. Click on the "comments" button--it will pop up a place for you to comment and post! Easy!

From chapter 9 (pages 101-106)
Ginger Plowman gives us 5 Worldy Methods that parents use in an attempt to obtain obedience from their children. They are:
1. Bribing
2. Threatening
3. Appealing to their emotions
4. Manipulating their environment
5. Reasoning with the child

Which do you tend to use the most? What is the fundamental problem with these 5 methods? Do they ever work/are they ever appropriate?


From chapter 10
Do you agree/disagree that "if [your child] is old enough to disobey then they are old enough to be trained to obey"? (page 110)

Do you agree/disagree that it is "unfair" to inconsistently apply the rod? (page 113)

Update!!!

Ladies!! I am SO SORRY about getting behind on updating our book club blog! I have just not squeezed out the moment to do it. . until now! Know that you are on my mind and in my prayers daily! I have praying that you will have great COURAGE to ENDURE in all that you are learning through our book study. We are nearing the end of our book, and I know you want to finish strong! Don't give up! We have missed you if you've been out the last week or two. Please try to come these last 2 weeks and enjoy the fellowship of our times together. Each and every week I am so encouraged by hearing how other moms are applying these wonderful principles that we're learning.

Here's a review of where we've been so far in our study. .

PART 1: REACHING THE HEART OF YOUR CHILD
Chapters 1 & 2 Being a mom is a high calling. God's Word will equip you, as a mom, to execute your calling with great skill. Remember that we are after the hearts of our children--not just well-behaved children. If we're only attempting to control their behavior without reaching their hearts, we'll be raising up mini-hypocrites! Ephesians 6:4 says to "Bring them up in the DISCIPLINE (the rod) and the INSTRUCTION (the verbal reproof) of the Lord. Proverbs 29:15 says that "The ROD and REPROOF give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother."

Chapters 3 & 4 We must TRAIN OURSELVES TO USE SCRIPTURE to teach, rebuke, correct, and train our children in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16). We want to learn to draw out attitudes of the heart by asking heart-probing questions--teaching our children to think like Christians. A key component of training our children in righteousness is walking them through the CORRECT response. This way, we're not only teaching them what to "put off", but we're also teaching them what to "put on" (see Ephesians 4:22-24). Taking the time to re-enact the scene and role-play the correct response are important training tools.

PART 2: GIVING A BIBLICAL REPROOF
Chapters 5 & 6 Use SCRIPTURE IN THE CONTEXT OF THE MOMENT to instruct/give a reproof. God's Word is our #1 tool as mothers. It will pierce their hearts and expose the wrong by shedding light. It is time to give a reproof whenever our children sin--whether it was intentional or unintentional--and certainly before administering the rod.

Chapters 7 & 8 We must examine our OWN MOTIVES before disciplining our children. Are we reproving our children because our OWN wills were violated (we were inconvenienced, aggravated, embarrassed, irritated, etc.) or because GOD'S will has been violated? Also, beware the difference between scolding your children and reproving your children.

Part 3 is going to be an in-depth look at the use of the rod in training our children in righteousness. For those of you with really little ones, this is going to give you a wonderful foundation/framework to use in the coming years. For those of you in the middle of the "spanking years" this will solidify your "technique" and give you confidence that you are following God's plan in this important area. For those of you whose children are past spanking, we'll be considering other methods of "administering the rod". Come ready to share what works (or doesn't work) in your home!

See you Wednesday!!

OK, ladies! I'm POSITIVE you've had opportunities to practice the heart-probing questioning techniques in chapters 3 & 4. Don't give up on practicing it. . you'll get it with a little practice. . .and your kids will come on board, too. I've been using the "Are you making peace or trouble?" question quite frequently. My little ones know exactly what I mean, and they really want a peaceful home, too, so this question seems to work well for us (this week :) ).

One story from late in the week.. ..
My three year old son, 6 month old baby and I were at Mardel's Christian bookstore. I wanted to buy Jackson a new Bible because he loves reading his toddler Bible, and I wanted to get him a a more pre-school version for us to read. I also wanted to see what they had in the way of devotionals for my 7 year old. (I'll take suggestions, by the way.) Anyway, the Thomas the Train section was conveniently located adjacent to the Bibles and devotionals, so J was entertained while I browsed with baby H. I chose a couple of things--J was NOT interested in getting a new Bible--but he WAS interested in the TRAINS. You can see where this was going. . . as I said, "OK, J-man, time to go!" he began to cry. . and cry. . .and scream. . and throw a fit! I calmly got down on his eye-level, and gently began to probe his heart with these wonderful questions we've been trying to learn. "Jackson," I asked him, "are you being thankful or greedy?". (I thought about using the covetousness vocabulary, but I just didn't think I could explain it in that moment.) He answered at the top of his lungs, "GREEDY!!!! I want the train!!!!!!". I tried a few other things to calm him down, and then finally had to decide our shopping trip was over. This was the kind of crying fit that every shopper in the quiet store (about 11 am) could hear! So as we began to leave, he wised up and said "I want the Bible! Won't you just get me a new Bible?!!!!". At that point, though, we were heading out. . no going back in for a Bible!

So. . . .may you have wisdom--and may your children respond--to your heart-probing questions this week!

Keep reading! We're on for chapters 5 & 6 for Wednesday! See you then!

Star

This was from my friend Liz's blog last week. I just read it this morning and thought it might be an encouragement to you! Remember. . .chapters 3 & 4 for tonight!!




Wednesday, September 19, 2007

1 Corinthians 13 for Mothers
My dear friend J interpreted this scripture from 1 Corinthians a while back and she recently posted it on her blog.
I read it again today...and it could not have been better timing.
I have had a hard week with the kids and I needed this gentle reminder of who I am and what my calling is as a Mother.
I hope you you find it as convicting and encouraging as I did.


"If I’m poetic and profound all day but don’t love my kids, I’m just like an annoying never-ending educational film.

If I teach my kids to memorize the whole Bible, giving my kids a deep understanding of God’s mysteries and making academics a breeze for them; if I have trained them to clean the whole house when I snap my fingers, to be quiet, still and compliant, but don’t love my kids, I’m worse than a dead-beat parent refusing to pay child support.

If I don’t buy myself jewelry, new clothes or anything nice ever again, but spend every penny on my children, if I’m a real “martyr mom” staying up all night working on their birthday parties, Halloween costumes, and decorating their rooms, but don’t love them personally and deeply, they might as well be orphans.

So no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m worse than useless without love.

Loving my kids means never giving up (on them, on their father, on the family, on their future.) Love is patient with a “screamer,” kind to a “brat.”

Love cares more for her children’s joyful fulfillment than for her own “self-actualization”.

Love doesn’t expect her kids to be something they’re not, doesn’t wish they were more like somebody else’s kids. Doesn’t brag about their achievements and live for that vicarious glory.

Love doesn’t tyrannize her children, or rudely wish they’d go away.

Love doesn’t condescend to her kids or force her own paradigms and agendas on them.

Isn’t always “me first.” But loves them with reckless abandon (sometimes saying goodbye forever to careers, traveling the world, old interests and dreams, and, of course, that “bikini body!”)

Love doesn’t fly off the handle or scream at her children. Doesn’t yank them around or cringe in embarrassment when they just act like kids.

Doesn’t tally up the disobedience from the whole week and get progressively furious. Especially doesn’t get angry with one child because another has been misbehaving.

Love doesn’t revel when her kids grovel, doesn’t gloat when they finally feel terrible for their offenses.

Love delights when her children grow in truth, beaming when they first glimpse God’s holy light.

Love protects these precious people, guarding their bodies, hearts, and minds. Love puts up with anything (a sick baby, a handicap, another “accident” on the new carpet.)

Always trusts God with her children (even when he seems to have such a different plan for them.)

Constantly looks for the best in her kids (even if it’s not what was expected.)

Never looks back (at life before kids!)

But keeps going (mothering) to the end.

Love never dies. Love is eternal. Love thinks about her children, praying for them, each day of her entire life.

We have three things to do for our children:

Trust God to be glorious in their lives, be a pillar of hope by expecting his best for them, and love them wildly.

The Nitty Gritty

Hey, ladies! Be encouraged in your reading! Don't miss chapters 3 & 4 for Wednesday. Ginger Plowman gets to the nitty gritty of probing our children's hearts. I've been using 1 Cor. 13:5 "Love is not rude." over and over and over! Hallelujah that God's Word is ALIVE. Speak it over your children and see what God does. If you read today you'll likely have some opportunities to "practice" the questioning technique before Wednesday! Can't wait to hear about how your mothering skills are being seriously sharpened! Hang in there! Drink deeply from the Well that will never run dry that you may water your family this week!!!

Don't be afraid of blogging your comments! :) We want to hear what you're thinking as you read.

Here's a topic from last week (chapter 2)
On page 28, Ginger says that "The heart of the problem is the problem of the heart." Do you see it like this? I met a man this summer who said that he just loves babies (I had my baby Hope with me) because they are so innocent and can hear God so clearly. Which one is right according to scripture? Ginger or this other guy?

Here's a topic from this week (chapter 3)
The "who had it first issue" on page 36 is one we surely all deal with. What do you think about Ted Tripp's assessment that BOTH children have sinned. How do you handle this in your home? Will you handle it differently in light of "looking beyond behavior to the heart"?

Love, Star

The High Calling of Motherhood!

Hey, ladies! Last night was great! We had nearly 20 women at book club to discuss chapters 1 & 2. We had 2 tables of discussion going on, so I'm going to fill you in on the table I was sitting at! I didn't make notes on every thing we talked about, but here are some tidbits of our conversation! :)

Right off the bat, Lynette shared how she's already implementing the strategy of looking deeper than her daughter's behavior--to her heart--and it's WORKING! Tammy had a similar experience this week with her son. She talked about staying "connected to her son's heart". How awesome and what an encouragement to us to press on!

We talked about the role of God's Word in disciplining our children and we are GRATEFUL for God's instructions. Even when we are overwhelmed at how to get it from the Bible to our mouths and to our children, we are so glad to be on this journey. Some of us have the example of a Godly mom and some of us do not--we are grateful that God's Word equips us for our role as MOM.

Page 25 talks about getting our children to "behave". We discussed that correct outward behavior from our kids doesn't mean that we have reached their hearts.

Wendy shared a precious story (with pictures!!) of her sweet little ones from a few years ago, reminding us to have a measure of GRACE over our children. Her kids set up a picnic in the kitchen early one morning, and even though they knew the rule to not get into the pantry without permission, she saw their hearts in it.. .they were offering her a picnic!! a peanut butter sandwich!! cookies!!! coke!!! She decided to laugh and take pictures!! :) She reminded us of Psalm 103:10 "He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities."
Awesome reminder, Wendy.

OK. So here's something our table didn't get around to talking about, but I think is an interesting topic. . .

At the end of Chapter 2, Ginger Plowman basically says that if we want to raise hypocritical children--little hypocrites--then we'll ignore their hearts and just focus on getting them to act right--especially in public!! What do you think?

If you want to comment, hit the COMMENT button and type in your response!!

Don't forget to read chapters 3 & 4 for next week!

Star

How's the Reading Coming?

Hey ladies, just checking in to see how the reading's coming. Anyone want have questions? Comments? Stories already?